Tinder-Roni

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It was a typical day for Andre who came in early to open the bar. He went about the mundane task of tidying up before assuming his usual corner position by the cash register.  His day was about to become interesting when he spotted his friend Will coming through the door. Before he could sit down, Andre exclaimed, “Tell me you didn’t do it?”, as he placed a coaster and lager pint in front of him.

Do what?” Will asked in bewilderment.

Tell me you didn’t sleep with that skank?”

What skank are you referring to?”

You know goddamn who I’m talking ‘bout. Kelly!”

Ohhhh. Who told you that?

“Jimbo told me!”

How did he come to that conclusion?

Maybe, he saw you two in this very establishment making out. Maybe, you asked him to call you two a cab. Maybe, he saw you two still making out in the cab after the cabbie pulled away. Given the scenario that happened last evening, it's safe to say that Jimbo made a highly educated guess.

Will looked at his lager sheepishly, released a deep sigh and then looked at Andre and said in a low whisper, “Okay, I did it.”

Andre threw his arms in the air and said, “With all the chicks in the world, why did you have to sleep with her. You know I can't stand her, especially when she gets drunk. She’s the most annoying and belligerent customer. She was put on earth just to annoy the ever living shit out of me…”

Will interrupted Andre’s tantrum and said, “Dude, it wasn’t my intention to sleep with her, it just sorta happened.’”

Andre looked at Will with more disdain and said, “How could you allow this unholy sexual encounter to happen, tell me that?”

Will interrupted Andre once more and said, “I’ll tell you what happened last night if you let me get a word in. I know you dislike the woman but you have to give me a chance to explain what the fuck happened, Okay!”

Andre regained his composure and said, “I apologize about my behavior but just the mere mention of her name just irritates me to no end. Okay, explain yourself!

Will starts to tell Andre about last evening’s events. Apparently, he set up a ‘Tinder’ date and they agreed to meet at this very establishment. His intention was to meet the girl for a drink to see if they vibe. He waited for two hours for his date to arrive but she never showed up or returned his numerous text messages to explain her rude absence. He was hurt and was drinking his sorrow away until Kelly came up and started to flirt with him. After being stood up, he was receptive to any woman’s advances. He and Kelly, started doing shots and having beer chasers when she blurted, “You have some MaryJane on you?” Will replied, “Naw, its back at the crib.” Then she said suggestively, “Well, let’s go back to your place to smoke and fuck our brains out.”  Will was floored, but he thought to himself that since his ‘Tinder’ date stood him up, he was going to salvage this night one way or another. So after Kelly made her intention known, they started to make out and he asked Jimbo to call them a cab.

After hearing Will’s story, Andre was a little more sympathetic, but the thought that it was Kelly- just wasn’t sitting right with him. Andre asked inquisitively, “I hope this was a one off, right?

Immediately Will said, “I promise you that this is the first and last time that I will sleep with her. I just felt sorry for myself and I needed to take out my frustration on someone. Kelly was just a quick solution, she wanted to get high and I wanted to get laid- it worked out.

With that said, Andre quickly changed the conversation to more pressing issues, like, who had the lead in their fantasy football league.

 

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